


Where I Keep All My Yesterdays

by cerie



Category: The Newsroom (US TV)
Genre: F/M, Nebraska, State Fair
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-06
Updated: 2013-08-06
Packaged: 2017-12-22 14:13:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/914158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cerie/pseuds/cerie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maybe it won’t be the same as what they had before but maybe that’s not such a bad thing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Where I Keep All My Yesterdays

**Author's Note:**

> Set vaguely during S2 of The Newsroom but there's no established timeline. Expect mild spoilers.

“Your sister called me.”

It’s kind of abrupt and Will has a cigarette halfway to his lips before MacKenzie is in his office, waving her Blackberry around like somehow it’s his fault that his sister called her. He’s not sure which sister it was, either, and that might change things but he’s pretty sure it’s Claire. Claire’s the only one who ever calls him (except, apparently, when she calls MacKenzie.)

“What did she want?” MacKenzie makes a disgusted little sound and sinks down in the chair opposite his desk. “Her oldest is giving birth in a few weeks and she wants to see you. Apparently she’s been calling and emailing and you haven’t responded.” Will feels vaguely ashamed about this. He loves his sister, loves all of his family that’s left, but there’s a part of him that left Nebraska all those years ago with the intention of never coming back. The last time he was in Lincoln was when his mother died ten years ago and he hadn’t planned on going back, ever, period.

“I was busy.” MacKenzie rolls her eyes and he knows that it’s not exactly an excuse but the last thing he wants is to go back to bumfuck Nebraska because his niece fucked up in the back of a truck on prom night and now she’s pregnant. While he doesn’t think Claire operates under the assumption that he’s going to actually show up, Liz is still young and idealistic enough to believe Uncle Will can fix everything.

Protip: he can’t. He can’t even fix his own fucked up life, much less someone else’s.

“Bullshit, Will, you just didn’t want to fly out there. Anyway, I told Claire I would tell you that it would mean a lot to Liz if you came to see her. She’s young and she’s scared and she’d like to see her uncle before she has this baby.” Will knows all this, in theory, he just...

He really, _really_ hates Nebraska.

***

He ends up conceding to go to Nebraska for a few days and they’ve timed it the same week that Liz is going to be admitted for a C-section. Apparently there’s complications or some shit and Will would really just like to punch the skinny little kid who got his niece pregnant and left her high and dry. Maybe he’s just too much an idealist but he’d hoped Liz would go to college and make something of herself and leave.

Yeah. No. Apparently not. 

MacKenzie comes with him, mostly because Claire requested it and as much as he doesn’t want to be going to Nebraska with his ex-girlfriend it’s a hell of a lot better than going alone. There’s not much of an option for hotels considering there’s a big football game this weekend but he manages to get two rooms at The Cornhusker, as ridiculous as that sounds, and they end up going to the hotel before heading over to Claire’s house in a too-small rental car that Will has been _assured_ will be traded out for an SUV as soon as possible.

Yeah.

Seeing Claire is nice, mostly because she is always warm and welcoming in a way that reminds him of his mom. Of all of them, she ended up the best off and it’s still not great, as she has three kids and her husband left her for someone just a little older than Liz but it’s all right because she’s not in jail or drinking herself to death or anything else that’s common enough in the McAvoy family.

“Good to see you other than on my television every night,” Claire says warmly, pressing a kiss against his cheek and wrapping her arms around him in a hug. “Thought you forgot where you came from. Now if we could just get you to stop bashing Rand Paul, we might be able to claim you again.” Will rolls his eyes. Claire has told him repeatedly about how she and the rest of her church are praying for him and he honestly doesn’t give a shit. He loves his sister, yes, but her view on politics is decidedly-not the same as his own.

“And this must be MacKenzie,” Claire says, turning her attention to MacKenzie who looks like she’d very much like to hide. She doesn’t fit in here, that much is clear. She’s in head to toe designer labels like she walked out of the Barneys fall catalog and her delicately pointed Louboutins are going to be a fucking mess as soon as it rains. He wasn’t kidding when he said his hometown was a dirt road outside Lincoln. 

“Yes, it’s good to meet you,” MacKenzie says and her voice goes up a little on the end in the most obvious tell there is. Claire doesn’t care or doesn’t notice because she wraps her arms around her and squeezes her tight, not really caring about appearances. “Will’s said so much about you. It’s good to finally put a face to a name.”

MacKenzie cuts him a look and Will tries to silence it by drawing attention to Liz, who’s just waddled in from the back room. She looks like she’s about to tip over like one of those goddamn plastic dolls he and his siblings used to play with as kids. Wuzzles? Wibbles? Something like that. She should be picking out colleges and writing essays right now, not about to pop with the first of what is probably going to be many kids, if Claire’s rubbed off on her any. There’s a little ring on a chain around her neck with a tiny speck that might be a diamond. From the idiot father, he assumes. 

“Hi, Uncle Will,” Liz says and she looks like she might cry. Will knows that pregnant women are emotional but he’s not really prepared for this and if she cries on him, he might lose it. Liz closes the distance between them and hugs him and Will sort of half-heartedly hugs back, awkwardly patting her back. He loves her, sure, but the part of him that was able to express himself this way got destroyed when MacKenzie cheated on him. It’s hard to unlock that again, even if this is just affection and not romance.

“Hey, kid,” he says, ruffling her hair when she pulls away. It’s stupid but he’s so fucking _angry_ because he remembers when she was about six and insisting she wanted to be a lawyer just like her Uncle Will and now all that’s over for her. He knows that it’s equal parts her fault and the boyfriend’s but still. It makes him angry as fuck. It makes him even angrier that Claire seems to be happy about it like this is something good. 

He’s not sure what to say but MacKenzie cuts in, asking if she can see the baby’s room and Will sighs in relief. He’s not interested in any of that but if it takes the pressure off him to say something he’s more than happy to go traipse through the room that used to belong to him and his little brother and see it all done up in pink and little ladybugs. It’s kind of surreal, considering he’s pretty sure he and Michael set off M80s and scorched the floor right under the cute little hooked rug. 

“Anything you still need?” Claire looks embarrassed because she doesn’t like taking handouts but Liz lights up and starts rattling off a wishlist she’s had for this baby ever since she found out about it. It’s kind of scary, in a way, the way she seems so happy about it like it’s a new toy and not a real, actual person she’s growing inside her and Will wonders what’s wrong with him that the idea of a baby is so fucking scary. MacKenzie pipes up and says they’ll go shopping and pick up everything she needs and bring it back so that Liz can relax. While Will’s not really interested in _that_ it’s better than awkward family time for sure.

***

Will’s pretty sure he hasn’t been in Wal-Mart in at least twenty years and he’s pretty sure he doesn’t want to be here now. Still, there’s not much in the way of options unless they drive back to Lincoln and once he heads back there, he wants to be there for the night. He’s pushing the cart while MacKenzie pulls things off the shelves, diapers and bottles and wipes and things he’s not even thinking about. When he questions it, she announces cheerfully that she’s the aunt to several adorable nieces and nephews and (mostly) knows what’s going on.

Will’s one contribution to the mound of baby things accumulating in his cart is a little pink dress with frilly lace trim and matching socks. It’s not anything that Liz asked for or that they need but it’s pretty and sweet and he thinks this kid ought to have one thing that’s not really a necessity but is just for fun. There hadn’t been a lot of that when he was a kid and he thinks this baby ought to have a little bit better than what her mother and grandmother are going to be able to give her on their own.

“I think that’s really pretty, Will,” MacKenzie says, voice soft and tinged with feelings he hasn’t heard from her in a long time. It’s not something he’s really comfortable dealing with, either, so he shrugs and pushes the cart toward the check out line and wonders why the fuck the self checkout is down and why he has to actually go through a line and talk to a person. The checker looks bored, sixteen and doesn’t recognize him, which is kind of a relief; Manhattan seems to know who he is and has the tabloids on his ass.

He pays for everything with cash and brings it all back to Claire’s in this tiny ass car, trunk and backseat completely slam full. Will is glad they live so far out in the middle of nowhere because it means he doesn’t have to worry about traffic and the fact that his back window is completely obscured is less of an issue. They’re more likely to see deer out here than other people and he thinks maybe that’s the one good thing about living in the country. The rest of it is bullshit. He’s always going to be a city boy. 

He parks and starts hauling things out and MacKenzie insists on helping. It works out all right until she steps in a gopher hole and twists her ankle. “Fucking _fuck_ ,” she bites out and Claire is standing on the porch, mouth pursed and eyes a little wide. He guesses she and her little Bible group aren’t going to be prepared for how dirty MacKenzie McHale’s mouth can be on a regular basis. 

“Fuck, I’m sorry,” MacKenzie says and it doesn’t make it better. Will sighs and helps haul the rest of everything inside and promises that he and MacKenzie will be back tomorrow to help take Liz to the hospital in Lincoln so she can be admitted and Claire bids them both goodnight, though it isn’t as warm as it would have been if MacKenzie hadn’t started using fuck as every part of speech in her front yard. He helps MacKenzie back to the car and she props her ankle on the dash; Will cracks his window and starts smoking, one after the other, and he goes through four cigarettes before they get back to the hotel. 

He helps MacKenzie up to her room and goes to fill the ice bucket. He thinks a hand towel with ice in it is possibly not the best thing for her but MacKenzie seems grateful anyway, holding it against her ankle to keep the swelling down. Will can’t help but stare at her long, bare legs; MacKenzie changed while he was out and now she’s in a little tank top and tiny shorts and he needs to just stop this line of thinking. He sort of, kind of has a thing with Nina Howard and it doesn’t involve leering at MacKenzie. 

“It was good to meet them,” MacKenzie says softly, giving him the lazy sort of smile he used to get pretty often when they were together and less so now that they’re barely on speaking terms most of the time. “The whole time we dated, I never got to meet them once. I wanted to, you know. I wanted to be the woman you brought home to your family.” Will winces a little at that and tries to hide it by moving the ice bucket over to the desk in the room and sitting on the edge of her bed. He lightly brushes his fingers against her ankle under the auspices of checking the swelling but it’s really just an excuse to touch her and he lets them trail up her shin a little.

“I don’t bring anyone home. The fact that you’re here now makes you the first woman in history other than maybe a girl I dated in high school,” Will says, shrugging. “This isn’t who I am anymore. It probably means more for you to meet Charlie than to meet my sister.” He slides his fingers a little higher, touching her knee lightly. MacKenzie covers them with her own hand.

“Well. It means something to me. Even if we’re not...you know.” Yeah, Will knows. Strangely enough, the anger and resentment and betrayal seem to have melted a little and are replaced by a tenuous sort of acceptance and friendship. He’d never really been friends with MacKenzie before he started dating her and now he respects her both as EP and friend and there’s a foundation to this new relationship that didn’t exist in the old one. 

“I should get in bed,” Will says softly. It’s only after MacKenzie’s eyes widen a little that he realizes she misinterpreted what he meant and he clarifies with a belated, “Uh, not with you. Just, in my bed.” He’s normally very eloquent and amazing at expressing himself but there seems to be a block between eloquence and his mouth where MacKenzie is concerned, unless he’s trying to wound her. Saying things that matter appears to be difficult.

“You should. Big day tomorrow,” MacKenzie agrees. She squeezes his fingers lightly before he pulls them away and when he finally goes to his room and shuts the connecting door, he simply lays on top of the mattress for long hours, thinking about what just happened and how much it fucking _scares_ him that he might be letting MacKenzie in again.

He doesn’t sleep.

***

The next morning, Will goes out and heads to a coffee shop down the street to pick up coffee for himself and MacKenzie since A) he’s already awake and B) he’s not dealing with the shit in the room. He knocks lightly on the connecting door when he gets back and a bleary-eyed MacKenzie answers, hobbling a little on her twisted ankle and hair all sticking up on one side. She looks fucking ridiculous but it’s also very cute. Because he values his life, he doesn’t say either of those things and instead hands her the coffee in lieu of a greeting. MacKenzie smiles at him and takes a long swallow of coffee before she looks back up at him and actually says hello.

“Morning. Thank you, I needed this.”

Will realizes he’s still lingering in her doorway and it’s become awkward so he lifts his coffee cup in a salute and announces he’s going to get a shower and get dressed. “Well, I’ll wait for you, then,” she says, inexplicably, and Will steps back into the doorway to clarify exactly what she wants. 

“Well. I’ve got a bum ankle and I’m not very graceful on the best of days. I thought it would be a good idea if you sat in my room while I took a shower in case I fall down? You might not hear me yelling from your room.” 

MacKenzie looks a little sheepish and he wonders how the fuck a grown woman can look basically twelve but MacKenzie has it down pat. He nods and goes to sit in the chair closest to the bathroom, motioning for her to go. “Go ahead, get your shower first. I’ll get mine once you’re free and clear.”

He does a crossword while he waits, finishing it with several minutes to spare and really wishes that he had the _Times_ instead of the _Lincoln Journal Star_. Maybe then it’d be a little bit of a challenge. He does the sudoku too and he’s filling in the last line when MacKenzie comes out of the bathroom with a cloud of steam behind her and he’s lost for a moment.

She’s wearing the hotel bathrobe that’s too big on her and gaps open at her chest to reveal creamy skin flushed red from the hot water. There’s a little drop that drips from her wet hair and rolls down between her cleavage; Will follows it with his eyes until he realizes he’s staring and drags his head up so he can look in her face. MacKenzie looks sheepish and embarrassed and she quickly wraps a towel around her hair. 

“I’ll just get ready and we can meet them at the hospital?” Will nods. He’s going to need the extra time to shower away all the frustrating things he’s feeling this morning and it makes little sense to drive out to the house only to turn right back around and come into Lincoln. Once he’s reasonably sure MacKenzie isn’t going to trip over anything, he heads back into his suite and runs the shower hot, sending curls of steam into the air.

When his hand wraps around his cock and slides in sure, swift strokes he isn’t sure who he’s thinking of, exactly, just images tumbling over one another. When he comes, it’s MacKenzie’s name on his lips like he’s never thought about anyone else. 

Fuck.

***

Will notices that today MacKenzie wears jeans and a simple button-down instead of her work clothes from the day before and he thinks that’s probably for the best. He also notices she’s wearing flat little loafers and as good as MacKenzie looks in heels on a regular basis, this helps him too; the last thing he needs is to see MacKenzie’s long legs in a slim skirt and high heels.

Since Liz’s C-section is scheduled (apparently there’s some complication and she can’t actually go through labor and Will tuned out after figuring out everything would be fine), they have everything ready for her and wheel her back. It’s going to be a hell of a lot easier than the times he remembers his mother being pregnant and he thinks Liz is lucky in this regard. This is probably going to be the easiest thing about raising this kid and Will has already decided he’s going to pay for anything they need. They won’t ask, sure, but if they do, he’ll pay. Gladly.

Claire is a nervous wreck the whole time and luckily it doesn’t take long to take Liz back and deliver the baby. Will thinks possibly this is much better than being in labor for hours and hours but surgery isn’t a picnic for anyone. MacKenzie flits around getting coffee and snacks for everyone and when they finally wheel Liz and the baby back down to the birthing suite, everything sort of stops for a moment and focuses on the little bundle of pink and white in his niece’s arms. 

Liz has decided on Laura Kate, after her grandmother, and Will is just fucking grateful it’s not something stupid and unintelligible. He thinks possibly that makes him classist or an elitist prick or possibly both but he’s not going to walk around telling people his grandniece is named Paizlei or some shit. Claire asks if he wants to hold her and he gives her a look - the last thing he knows how to do is hold a goddamn baby. MacKenzie pipes up softly and says she’d like to hold her and she takes the baby in her arms, cradling her gently and speaking to her in a low, sing-song little voice.

He’s never had a desire to father children (and still doesn’t, no matter how gorgeous MacKenzie looks right now) but he can’t help but think that MacKenzie might be a good mother. She’s full of love and passion and hope and those are all good things to pass on to a kid. 

“She’s beautiful, Liz,” MacKenzie says quietly, handing the baby back, and she’s practically beaming. Will fidgets a little, not really keen on staying at the hospital for much longer and Claire suggests that they go to the county fair to kill some time before heading in for the night. It’s not the big fair that Will remembers as a kid, the State Fair, but there’s a couple rides and a little midway and plenty of food and he figures when in Nebraska, eat something deep fried and bad for you. 

MacKenzie seems more excited about this little slice of Americana than he does and even though she’s still favoring her foot, she insists on going. Will tries to find a parking space as close as possible but the place is packed and it’s hardly ideal. Will slides an arm around MacKenzie’s waist under the pretense of holding her up and MacKenzie doesn’t seem to be against it. If anything, she leans closer. 

They end up getting cotton candy and it’s sticky against their fingers and there’s a little bit at the corner of MacKenzie’s mouth. Will wants to kiss her. He hasn’t ever wanted to kiss anyone as much as he wants to kiss MacKenzie right now. He leans in and almost gets a chance when a little kid bowls into her and spills soda down her jeans. Will is pissed but MacKenzie laughs, high and clear, and he thinks there’s nothing more beautiful in the world.

***

When they get back to the hotel, MacKenzie is still laughing and insists she wants to change her clothes before they do anything else for the night. Will agrees, given he wouldn’t want to be walking around with Coke sticking to his legs but instead of heading to his room he lingers in the doorway of hers for a long moment until MacKenzie closes the distance between them and kisses him. It’s a little unsure, as if she’s not certain he won’t shove her away and after a few moments of that Will buries his hand in her hair and wraps an arm around her to haul her close, pressing her back against the doorframe.

He slants his mouth over hers and learns her all over again from the way she sighs to the way her teeth always catch his lower lip when she breaks one kiss and moves in for another. He slides his hand up under her shirt and presses his palm against her lower back; that little point of contact just makes him want more and he rolls his hips against her before pulling away; MacKenzie whimpers. 

She looks so fucking beautiful with her hair a mess and her lips bright pink and a little swollen from kissing. It makes him want to kiss her again and again but they probably need to have a conversation before that happens. Will opens his mouth to say things he’s been keeping to himself for months but MacKenzie silences him with one finger pressed over his lips and she shakes her head. 

“You don’t have to say anything,” she murmurs, tugging his hands to her shirt. His fingers are clumsy against the buttons and he manages to get them off without any real casualties and that’s a miracle in and of itself. He dips his head to kiss her breasts, licking and teasing at her nipples through the thin lace of her bra. MacKenzie has always worn the most impractical lingerie of anyone he’s ever met and he loves her for it. Sometimes he wonders if she was sporting lace thongs in Afghanistan but he doesn’t ask. He likes his balls too much for that.

MacKenzie twists and unhooks her bra, working it off and Will slides his hands down to her jeans and pops the button. When he tugs them down he realizes he was right about the lace thong and he grins at her; he’s halfway worried that MacKenzie is going to hit him in the head but he gets like a schoolboy about sexy underwear. He’s always been insanely visual, especially where MacKenzie is concerned. 

MacKenzie’s hands are all over him, working off his shirt and jeans and he sort of trips-skips over to the bed as he steps out of them, suddenly worried that these jeans are going to fuck him over like that one pair of pants he hates on set. They don’t, though, and he’s rewarded with MacKenzie sprawling on top of him. 

“Hi, Billy,” she says softly, sweetly, and she straddles his thighs. She’s hot and wet right against the tip of his cock but she isn’t sinking down. She’s just teasing, driving him crazy, and he cups her hips in his hands to hold her still before he arches up against her, grinding himself against her clit. She gasps and nods, sliding down onto him painfully slow. 

They’ve always been good like this. Even when nothing else worked out right and they’d argued all fucking night, he and MacKenzie could always count on being dynamite in bed. She rolls her hips against him slowly and he rubs his thumb over her clit in counterpoint to slow, deep thrusts. It’s a little harder to be in control when she’s on top but, ultimately, she runs him anyway. She always has, whether it’s here or in the control room.

When MacKenzie comes, her eyes slam shut and her teeth catch her lower lip hard enough that Will fears she’ll draw blood. She chokes off a high-pitched whimper and clamps down on him, making it damn near impossible not to follow her. He manages two more thrusts before he’s coming too and he digs his fingers in her hips hard enough to mark. He and MacKenzie have never been gentle together. It’s always been fireworks. 

She whispers “I love you,” before sliding off and curling into his arms. Will hates that he can’t say it back but while he feels it and he hopes he _shows_ it, articulating the words means putting something out there that’s fragile and precious and he’s not sure that MacKenzie knows the gravity of those words. Once he’s sure she’s asleep and he’s almost there himself, he whispers it against the curve of her shoulder, her neck, into her hair.

He hopes that somehow, in spite of his tendency to fuck things up, that she knows.

***

He wakes up the next morning to both his and MacKenzie’s phones going off and when he checks them, it seems like there’s been breaking news and Charlie needs them both back on a plane ASAP. While Will’s more than glad to get out of Nebraska, he’d hoped that he and MacKenzie would have a little more time in this bubble to really sort out what the fuck is going on between them.

Their morning is a flurry of phone calls and apologies and airport delays but when he and MacKenzie are finally settled on a flight back to New York, her hand reaches across the seat and her fingers tangle in his, squeezing lightly. Will squeezes back and instead of drawing his hand away, he keeps it in hers. 

Maybe it won’t be the same as what they had before but maybe that’s not such a bad thing.


End file.
